Debut Novels

I'm always happy to help promote debut novels since I hope to have one out there someday soon!

Enjoy.

How to "Fake" a Memoir

Okay, this is pretty funny.

Should Memoir Come Under Fiction?

I'm starting to think yes. Anyhow, here's some good reading on all the brouhaha surrounding memoirs, fact-checking, and corporate greed. Enjoy.

New in Personal Essays

The only thing harder than getting a book of personal essays published is getting a book of poems published. But here's an interesing Q&A with the newest personal-essay dahling. She sounds nice and she's pretty to boot. Already I hate her. ;)

Memoirs and Making It Up

In the last week, it's been revealed that two critcally-acclaimed memoirs--one that's been around for years and another released last week--were fabricated. (At the radio station where I used to work, we honored Misha Defonsesca, author of the former "memoir"...she lives in Massachusetts.)

The burning question, of course, is why? But my other question is this...would these memoirs be less affecting stories if they were presented as novels? Would Frey's A Million Little Pieces have worked as fiction (which, interestingly enough, is how he originally peddled the book to agents)?

I read A Million Little Pieces after the whole Oprah-fabrication-mea culpa debacle. And I still thoroughly enjoyed the book for the story and the writing (Frey's prose has a wonderful breathless quality that worked well for his anxious, desperate, on-the-brink narrator). The book shouldn't have been labeled a memoir. But what made it good--the story and the writing--was still good (at least to me), even despite the fact it wasn't true. I like good stories. And while stories that are "true" tend to elevate them to a new level (sometimes), that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy a good story that's completely made up. Think Stephen King. Think Harry Potter.

So why would an author lie? I don't have the answer. Misha Defonsesca said, "This story is mine. It is not actually reality, but my reality, my way of surviving." Margaret Seltzer (author of the second book mentioned above) said in the Times article, “For whatever reason, I was really torn and I thought it was my opportunity to put a voice to people who people don’t listen to. [I] was in a position where at one point people said you should speak for us because nobody else is going to let us in to talk. Maybe it’s an ego thing — I don’t know. I just felt that there was good that I could do and there was no other way that someone would listen to it.”

While nonfiction writers have a responsibility to tell the truth, agents and publishers aren't completely innoncent since they're hot on memoirs because of the market: there's more room (i.e. more money) for nonfiction than fiction.

What do you think?

DVDs and Revising

I don't own a DVD player. But lately, I've been watching DVDs at M's house. I'm fascinated with (by?) the deleted scenes. What a lesson on revision! Some of the movies include explanations from the directors, which I love listening to. One of my catchphrases to students has been "you're the only one who knows what you cut; your audience doesn't," which is a philosophy I learned in radio many moons ago. It's really neat to see what the director chooses to cut to get a tighter and more effective and affective story (or simply to get the picture down from four hours to a manageable 2.5. Think word-count challenges we writers face--same idea).

I think a different "revision" lesson plan for a writing class would be to rent a movie that's new to DVD (i.e. to ensure that no one in the class has already seen the deleted scenes). Then the class would watch the film, watch the deleted scenes (without the commentary by the director), and then discuss how the deleting of scenes affected the story.

(BTW--I realize there's a lot more to revision than merely cutting...but cutting scenes is part of the "re-visioning" process.)

Sorry. I'm Just Not That Into You

RB: Listen, Thesis, we need to talk. About us.

Thesis: What do you mean "about us"?

RB: I mean us. You and me. This whole "thing" isn't working for me.

Thesis: What do you mean "thing"?

RB: This thing we got going on. You know, this relationship we've had for the last almost two years.

Thesis: We didn't commit to this "thing" until January. And now you want out.

RB: I do all the work while you just sit there. How is that fair?

Thesis: Oh, you do all the work, huh? When's the last time you've done any consistent work on me? On us? Seems to me you're putting your attention elsewhere.

RB: What's that supposed to mean?

Thesis: You know.

RB: No. No I don't. Elucidate.

Thesis: Remember, don't use a big word when a small one will do, sweetheart. And don't use "it" in a sentence either."

RB: You know it pisses me off when you start quoting AJ.

Thesis: Whatever.

RB: Anyway, what did you mean I'm "putting my attention elsewhere"?

Thesis: You have your eyes on someone else.

RB: So what if I do?

Thesis: You're not even going to deny it, are you?

RB: Look. Nothing has happened. How can it when I'm wrapped up with you?

Thesis: Oh, so it's my fault that you don't have time to cheat on me? Am I hearing you right?

RB: Listen, maybe we need a break.

Thesis: A break? We're committed until May. You said you'd hang in there until May.

RB: Yeah, well. Maybe I lied.

Thesis: Bitch.

RB: That's real mature.

Thesis: Yeah. Just like cheating on me is.

RB: I haven't cheated!

Thesis: Oh, of course. You've just thought about it. Flirted with the idea. As if that's supposed to be okay.

RB: Listen, Novel #2 and I are just talking. Just shooting the shit. That's all.

Thesis: So that's the the guy's name, huh? Novel #2. Doesn't even have a worthy title.

RB: I can't talk about this.

Thesis: Do you think about Novel #2 when you're not with me?

RB: Well...

Thesis: It's a simple yes or no question.

RB: Yeah. Sometimes.

Thesis: Sometimes?

RB: Okay. A lot.

Thesis: Do you think about Novel #2 when you're driving? When you close your eyes at night?

RB: Yes. Yes, I do. I'm sorry.

Thesis: You're sorry? You're sorry? Is that supposed to be enough? After all we've been through so far, the red ink, the postage, the gnashing of teeth as we get through some of those rough moments? You're just going to turn your back on that now?

RB: Look, I'm sorry. It's me, not you, okay?

Thesis: Cliche.

RB: Look. I'm just not that into you. I'm sorry.

Thesis: You're just not that into me anymore, huh?

RB: Um, I didn't say "anymore."

Thesis: What's that supposed to mean?

RB: Well. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't know if I've ever really been into you. Really.

Thesis: Great. Well, that's just fucking great. So what are we supposed to do until May? Dodge each other every time you log in? Maybe we should try counseling again. Maybe we should talk to Leah.

RB: I'm done with counseling. I've made a commitment to you until May, and I'll abide by that, but after--

Thesis: After?

RB: I'm outta here, babe.

Imagine Entering a Contest Where Nobody Wins

Imagine entering a writing contest where nobody wins because the judges decide that not a single one of the entries is worthy of the big prize. Think that wouldn't happen? Think again.

What do you think of this?

As for my thoughts...I find it hard to believe that there wasn't at least one great submission. I know there's a lot of crap out there. I know most subs are probably horrendous. But I find it hard to believe that they ALL were horrendous.

Sum Up Your Life in Six Words?

There's a new book of six-word "memoirs"--writers of all stripes were given the challenge of summing up their lives in six words. Interesting. I wonder if cuss words count?

Can you sum up your life in six words? I'll try...here goes.

Here's the depressing view:
Just as I expected: That sucked.

Here's the dreamy/hopeful view:
George Clooney, you complete me. W00t!

Here's the realistic view:
Good daughter. Good friend. Good writer.

Here's the commercial rip-off view:
One shot at this life? Priceless.

Your turn...

I'm Baaaaack! (with a prose poem!)

Well.

I'd offer a bunch of excuses, but what's the point? Let's just get back to it, shall we?

About a year ago, I wrote this short essay--two pages, if that--and Jane, my advisor at the time, said it was really a "moment" that "wasn't yet an essay." But now Leah, my thesis advisor, is encouraging me to turn it into a prose poem. Only thing is I've never written a prose poem before. I'm a Prose Poem Virgin, people, so be gentle.

Actually, I really am open to feedback...I guess my questions are do you understand what it's about? If not, does that bother you? Any problems with the language or form or how it ends? I'm sure I've lost just about all nine of my readers, but for the one or two of you who are still lurking, I welcome your feedback (I sent my poem to Red Soul Girl, a fantastic poet from my writer's group, so I'm hoping she'll have some insight).

Okay...here it is:

Parking Meters—Circa 1997

Eight o'clock, with no spare time or change. My coffee breath stains the air with each exhale, with each stair and step, with each person I pass, most rushing to the office. But I’m halfway through my workday since my mornings begin at three a.m., the Mass Pike empty, the 7-Eleven quiet save for the tongue-pierced cashier who expects me at dawn even though he has no idea why I buy three Globes, two Heralds, a New York Post. He doesn't ask. I don't offer. I pay in dollar bills and clutch the change, and the silver George Washingtons stare up at me, mocking. Didn't we break free from Britain because of taxes? Yet now I clasp these coins, an albatross for hungry meter mouths, while the winter sky bulges and worker bees bustle past me in a flurry of winter coats, leather gloves, knitted scarves, briefcases. Berkley and Stuart Streets metamorphous from sinister night-city, smoke rising from sewers and sirens sounding, to this innocuous hubbub moment when I complete my most important (mundane) radio-producer task—clink, clink, clink! My stripes, earned!—because nothing ruins a morning more than neon orange tickets tucked under windshield wipers or my colleagues' cross voices when I tell them I found their cars too late. “There’s gotta be an easier gig than this,” I lament as I trot down one street, up the next, and back again. But the world out here doesn’t hear my mutterings or my heart's pounding passions because it's a world where you can’t tell where the gray sky ends and pavement begins, a world where accidents happen in the early morning hours before the traffic lights come on, a world where an old man with an eagle beak and Red Sox cap hawks newspapers under the Salvation Army Headquarters' super-sized scarlet sign and spouts an incomprehensible language to me as I shuffle by, a world where you and I might pass one another—a future lover, a best friend, the sibling I never knew—except we don’t see this potential because we keep our heads down low, me cursing under my breath as I search for the right car, you racing to get to work by eight, already three minutes late.

This is why I write...

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain--in a way that makes sense to others--why I write. But this comes close.



PS--I'm not "back." I just couldn't NOT post this.

Peace,
FC

Pointing Out The Obvious--This Blog's Officially Dark For A While

Time to take a break from the ol' blogosphere (or, um, to continue with this break that I've already started). Don't worry (all five of you regular readers)--everything's fine. Just need to put my energies and efforts elsewhere for a while.

I imagine I'll be back at some point, but as a reinvention. I might end up taking down the FC blog permanently, so don't be alarmed if this here site disappears. I'll be checking in with your blogs from time to time, so I'll still be lurking.

Enjoy the summer! :)

Peace,
FC

Depressed As All Hell...

Miss Snark is retiring.

For all the teachers in the audience (and students, too)

How many teachers are in grading hell right now, raise your hands? Well, this is pretty darn funny.

When Wikipedia Works

Much controversy has surrounded Wikipedia in recent months. I talked about it in an earlier blog post. But here's an interesting article on Wiki in today's New York Times.

What do you think?

My Unpopular View--Why Imus Shouldn't Have Been Fired

Freedom of speech almost guarantees that you’re going to offend someone somewhere someday. Most of us begrudgingly accept this gauntlet while morning show jocks, comics, columnists, and Borat embrace it. Still, even they sometimes teeter too far on the tightrope of unacceptability.

In America, with few exceptions, we’re free to say what we want. But we’re also subject to consequences when people, such as employers, believe what we say is unacceptable because of its implications. As the line blurs between what is and what isn’t acceptable content, politicians (think Jesse Jackson and his “hymietown” comment), actors (Mel Gibson and his drunken diatribe on Jews), shock jocks (Imus and his “nappy headed hos” slur), and other in-your-face figures often find themselves (understandably so) offering mea culpas to an increasingly impatient and unforgiving audience.

Through the years, certain questions have served as measuring sticks for acceptable and unacceptable speech. What does the speech do? Does it “merely” offend? Does it incite fear in the masses? Lead to rioting and violence? Of course, we can debate each narrower term, but I think it’s fair to say this line of questioning suggests a clearer definition of what is and isn’t acceptable speech. Time and context also play roles. The old “you can’t yell ‘fire’ in a crowded theatre” example comes to mind.

So, did Imus’ words incite violence? No. Did his words incite fear? No. Will the talented and smart women of the Rutgers’ basketball team roll over and say, “Don Imus called us ‘nappy headed hos’, so it must be true!”? Of course not. Will little girls’ self-esteem be adversely affected by Imus' words? No one can say for sure (I challenge anyone to offer sound scientific proof right now), but my guess would be little girls have bigger self-esteem worries like schoolyard bullies, predators on MySpace, and the pervasive images of super-thin models and actresses that the media bombard them with. Were his words inaccurate? Yes. Did his words offend? Yes. Did he have the “right” to say them? Yes. Did CBS have the right to fire him? Sure. Should he have been fired? No. And here’s why.

Imus is 66 years old. This is a fact, not an excuse. (And, please, hear me out and be willng to read my reasoning with an open mind.) He comes from a generation when African-Americans were called “colored” and relegated to the back of the bus. He comes from a generation where many, sadly, were indoctrinated with the belief that blacks were sub-human. And while warped thinking isn’t hard-wired in our brain cells, it is complex enough that undoing it takes time, patience, education, and—most important—recognition that one needs to rethink earlier notions and beliefs.

Imus recognized what he said was wrong, insensitive, and just plain stupid. He’s spent the last week apologizing. He called his (then) upcoming two-week suspension “appropriate.”

Can I say for sure that Imus is genuinely full of remorse—and not just because of the maelstrom resulting from his words, but because of the wrongness of his words? No. I can’t say for sure. Neither can anyone else. But what I can say is what I sense to be true. I sense and see a man who was truly surprised that the words he casually uttered caused such pain. I see a man who, once he recognized the hurt he caused, apologized. I see a man who is not only willing to carry on the debate—which so many in the media have pointed out is what this country really needs—but also has the power to do so.

Exorcising Don Imus from the airwaves is not a panacea. It merely masks one symptom of a chronic disease. The symptom—and the pain resulting from this particular symptom—may eventually disappear. The disease may even seem to be in remission at times. But it’s not. It lurks beneath this country’s skin, like a splinter—an annoyance at first, but one, if ignored, can abscess and infect the whole.

Some believe that our right to speak freely requires enormous responsibility. This is not true; it’s not a requirement. A reasonable, honest, and ethical person might—and should—take it upon himself or herself to exercise responsibility when speaking, but one needn’t be a responsible person in order to speak his or her mind freely. It’s the beauty of this nation and also its curse.

But let’s assume you disagree and that you believe someone like Don Imus must act responsibly since he is in a position of considerable power and influence by virtue of the sheer number of people he reaches every day. Okay. But keep in mind that this cloak of responsibility does not always shield a person from a rainstorm of stupidity. Being human trumps all that.

Sometimes, even when we try to be responsible in what we say and do, we screw up. Say the wrong thing. Make mistakes. Embarrass ourselves and others. I’ve done it. Lord have I ever. And that’s when I apologize and educate myself and hunker down and try to do good. And, thankfully, I’ve been forgiven—not banished from my family’s world or my friends’ orbits or the workplace—but forgiven.

What Imus said was wrong. But so was firing him. Suspension, lost listeners, public humiliation, and perhaps a fine (Hello? FCC?) would have been adequate punishment for a man, whom I sense, is at an age where he’s willing to accept culpability, understand the motivation behind his words, and share his rehabilitation live in front of all of us. Imus met with the Rutgers’ basketball team last night, after CBS handed him his walking papers. Too bad we won’t hear about this experience, in detail, from his perspective, complete with the callers and differing opinions that a morning radio show provides. (For the record, the women have accepted his apology.)

With his firing, we (and I mean you and me and everyone else in this country) have lost an opportunity to create an ongoing national dialogue on race—one that could be heard and listened to for the long term and not simply discussed during the weeks surrounding a celebrity’s or politician’s insensitive and offensive rhetoric.



**For the sake of full disclosure, I should add that Imus airs on a sister station of the radio station I work for. I'm not, however, an Imus listener, though I have heard bits of his show. In no way do my views necessarily reflect my station, its parent company, or the views of anyone else I work for.

On David Sedaris...And Exaggeration in Creative Nonfiction

Okay--brain-picking time:

So what makes up the "creative" in creative nonfiction? This is not a rhetorical question--what is your definition?

Is it ever okay for nonfiction writers to embellish or exaggerate (like concocting scenes, adding dialogue, changing settings) in order to discover the larger truths?

What the heck is a nonfiction writer anyway? Does the term encompass journalists, humorists, memoirists, and essayists? If yes, are the rules the same for each? Or do humorists enjoy more latitude than, say, journalists?

Yes, the damn bloody horse wants another beating, it's the question that will not go away, it's the plague of us so-called "nonfiction writers," and it tires me to the core.

For those of you who are wondering what has set me off, David Sedaris (as some of you may have read) is the latest writer accused of using one too many fictional devices in his work.

Here's the latest on David Sedaris.

And for those who want to know MY answers to the above questions, I just don't know. But I am one or two blog posts away from making an announcement that addresses my future in this genre.

Stay tuned.

On Revisions

I asked Mr. C., my fiction advisor, if the revisions of my novel seemed too polished (something that my nonfiction advisor felt about my work last semester). Mr C. said he didn't think so, and then he offered this wonderful gem--something that all of us need to remember:

"... I do agree that too many rewrites can take the edge off of story and characters. It isn't happening yet in this draft, but it is something to be sensitive to. I have seen that happen with some of my students in the past. It usually happens when either a) the writer keeps rewriting to avoid submitting it for fear of rejection; or b) Everybody who reads it in draft form offers suggestions for improvements and the writer tries to incorporate them all. The bottom line is that it is YOUR story and YOUR characters, and you need to stay focused on what YOU want the story to convey."

Boston Bloggers--Check This Out

Here's something that may be of interest. A new freebie paper called BostonNOW looking for bloggers.

National Poetry Month

As some of you know, April is National Poetry Month. I've only recently returned to poetry, thanks to Red and some of my MFA buds. I've also found some wonderful poets through Poetry Thursday like Poet Mom (whom I also know through Writer Bug) and The Twitching Line.

I don't know much about poetry, but I may post a few this month. I confess that it's nice to say, "Hey, I finished a piece of writing" (even if, in reality, I'm sure it's far from finished...it at least seems finished to me, and with the way things have been going, I gotta hold onto that).

Hugs and Kisses

When I sign my e-mails
with strings of x’s and o’s
the damn spell check
always suggests Xerox.

I hit “ignore”
instead of “change”
but secretly hope I’ll press
the wrong button and the
e-mail will float into a
special someone’s inbox
with the closing line
Xerox, me.

And this someone
will write back
If only I could
make copies
of you.

Better than roses!
Better than chocolate!

How easy it would be
to woo me with words.

Yes, Papa. I Feel Your Pain.

It's been an unusually tough couple of writing months. I'm not sure what that means, and I'm trying not to devote too much mental space to formulating a theory. But I do have a question. What do you do when you hit a rough patch? I might need something other than my normal inspiration sources (going to the movies or for walks) to de-rut.

Writing Survey

Here's a question to ponder: can you write personal essays in third person when the essay is about yourself (i.e. in a first person essay, you'd be the narrator, but now in the third person, it slips into an almost limited-omniscient POV where the main character becomes "she")?*

Please post your thoughts in the comment section. And since I know at least one of you will throw the question back at me, here's my answer: I don't know. If you had asked me six hours ago, I would have said no for sure. But considering I almost literally threw my PC out the window due to a writing crisis this afternoon...and only got through it by writing a personal essay that evolved (subconscious editor) into third person...and then re-reading it and going, "Hmm. Maybe that will work"...I'm not so sure now. (I realize I've overused the ellipsis.)

Your thoughts?

*I edited my question (before anyone posted comments) because I realized I wasn't clear.

Susan Sontag on the Novel

Written right before her death, here's Susan Sontag's essay on the novel.

Good News On Books

Ah, yes. Read some good news about the book-buying habits of teens.

The Bloody Writer

Yeah. So raise your hand if you feel like this.

The Pulitzer Prize Process

Here's an interesting read on the goings-on behind the scenes of the Pulitzer Prize juries.

The Friday Write Site Is Back!

I don't know about you, but I like reading Q&A's with writers, especially when the writers discuss their processes, their tips, and whether they write long hand.

Today's Friday Write Site goes to one of Boston's best, Dennis Lehane. Here's his Q&A.

Questions for you writers out there:
1. Do you write long hand...or pound the keyboard?
2. Do you listen to music as you write?

My answers:
1. No. I have trouble writing long hand because I can't read it afterwards.
2. If I listen to music, it has to be instrumental (Jim Brickman) or something nonsensical-ish (in terms of understanding lyrics) like Enya. Lately, I've been listening to ocean waves.

For the Poets in the Audience

There's a Minnesota proposal on the table calling for a state poet laureate. The bill is written in rhyming verse.

Enjoy!

Incunabulum--A Word for Writers

I subscribe to A Word A Day. Today's word is incunabulum, which means "a book printed during the infancy of printing, especially one produced before 1501." The post continues with the following:

Imagine a newly-born book, swaddled in clothes. Etymology often shows the poetry of words. Gutenberg operated his pioneering printing press during the 1450s. Books printed during that time are known as incunabula though the term can be applied to any work of art or industry from its early period.

Read more about this wonderful word here.

Oprah Book Club--Watch Out!

Here's an interesting phenom: Jon Stewart's The Daily Show is "selling" books...and embraces serious authors. Read more about it here.

What Do You Think of Wiki?

Tomorrow, I'll be reviewing research protocol with my public speaking students: how to evaluate websites, what makes a source credible, where to look for certain info. Inevitably, the subject of Wikipedia always comes up. I explain to students that they should use Wiki as a starting place, not as a primary source. But even as I say this, I must confess that I turn to Wiki regularly throughout my week: to answer questions, to direct me to primary sources, to give me quick history lessons on things I should know, but don't. Still I worry that my students--and many other people--will fall into the trap that "if it's online, it must be true."

Recent studies suggest that the majority of information contained in Wiki's pages is reliable. Of course, we tend to hear about posts gone awry: John Seigenthaler and, most recently, the golfer Fuzzy Zoeller.

Today, I read this Slate.com column by Timothy Noah (I'm currently reading the gorgeous The Woman at the Washington Zoo by Noah's late wife, Marjorie Williams. Noah edited and compiled the anthology). The issue for Noah? Seems his Wiki entry has been tagged for not being "notable" enough. It's an interesting read, and he brings up some interesting questions.

So...what's your take on Wiki? How often do you go to it? Do you find the information reliable? Is it a worthy project or one that will, like so many cyberspace trends, disappear into the ether over time?

I welcome your thoughts!

On Writing and Sanity

Last week, some of my MFA buds and I were having a virtual chat about writing and sanity. One bud asked, "I am wondering how writers/artists go through life without going crazy?" which prompted the following response from me (a response my buds encouraged me to publish. Thank God for the blog):

Hmmm. Off the top of my head...

• Ernest Hemingway
• Scott Fitzgerald
• Sylvia Plath
• John Berryman
• Hunter Thompson
• Jack London
• Virginia Woolf
  

Artists, by nature, are more sensitive and more susceptible to sadness, depression, happiness, joy, euphoria. I think all people are capable of feeling such extremes, but artists--writers, especially--spend their days living it. When the writing is going well, ahh! What can possibly beat that? But when things aren't cooking, man, we want to slit our wrists. At least, I know I do.
Not all writers, of course. But many, many of us.

Perhaps the trick is accepting these extremes as part of who we are--embracing 'em even. Instead of beating ourselves up for feeling sad for no good reason (which adds guilt on top of the sadness), maybe we should take a deep breath, realize that in this misery our subconscious self is taking notes, sorting through plotlines, and mining a diamond from the shit.

I DO think that we need to continue writing regardless of the sadness. Forget the laundry or scrubbing the john. We can shirk some of our responsibilities when we're in the pit...but KEEP WRITING. That's the only way to get out, from my experience, because the writing is usually the main reason (whether the reason is real or imagined) that I'm in the despair pit to begin with.

Open a Word document. Format the page. And start writing. Don't take your fingers away from the keyboard for 15 or 30 minutes. You can start by writing "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckety, fuck." You can write a letter to your advisor telling her how you REALLY feel about her fucking comments. Or write a letter to an old lover...or write an acceptance speech for the National Book Award...or write that crazy sex scene that's been floating around in your head but is WAY too commercial or romantic to fit anything you got going in any of your stories right now. Write about your tears--the scent, the way they feel as they come out of your eyes. Write fiction, nonfiction, poetry...whatever. Create a scene that's nothing but dialogue. Just write. Keep doing it until you start seeing the sparkle of that diamond--it might be a turn of phrase, a new character, or a new idea for a short story or novel. Allow the good feeling to wash over you...and keep going as the feeling builds and builds. Then...STOP. Stop while you feel good...stop mid-sentence, knowing you'll come back tomorrow to finish it. Then do something that really makes you happy--go to the movies, knit, drink wine, have wild sex, go out for sushi (or all of the above). And as you fall asleep that night, congratulate yourself for getting through it. Yeah, you know the despair pit and the doubt monkeys still lurk--and may always lurk. But you know how to wade through the muck and slay the damn beasts.

You are a writer. Believe it.

Now, go git 'im.

Conventional...or Unconventional?

When it comes to publishing, we're told to follow the rules--send query letters, include SASEs, don't call, finish the manuscript first.

And then, of course, we hear about someone writing a pitch in red lipstick on a cocktail napkin in some honky tonk where a NYC agent happens to be swilling Jack Daniels while visiting a twice-removed cousin. And the agent signs the person on the spot. Even though the book hasn't even been written.

*sigh*

Here's part one of a story that kinda reads like that and part two of the story. Yeah, still no ending. But it's just another reminder that believing in yourself really is a big part of getting noticed.

How do you all feel about "breaking the rules" or using unconventional methods to market yourself?

Widows and Orphans

Oh, we learn something new every day.

I slithered (yes, "slither" is appropriate--ask me when I showered last) over to Miss Snark this morning and saw a post about formatting your manuscript for "widows and orphans." Ever hear that terminology? Well, I hadn't. I read her explanation, while keeping in mind that she sometimes pulls her snarklings' tails. So I slithered over to Word and typed "widows and orphans" into Help. Lo and behold, the term is real (just as Miss Snark said).

Here's how you find it in Word:
1. Select the paragraphs in which you want to control widows and orphans.
2. On the Format menu, click Paragraph, and then click the Line and Page Breaks tab.
3. Select the Widow/Orphan control check box.

Note: This option is turned on by default.

See an example and read a great guide on desktop publishing from Colorado State University.

Enjoy!

FC

Radio Poll

I decided to turn to you, dear readers, for inspiration on a subject I'm writing about--or, more specifically, direction.

You know the old saying about how it sometimes hurts to be too close to a subject? Well, I've worked in radio for almost 13 years. I have lots of stories, but I'm looking for some of you to spark my dormant memories. So here are some questions...I invite you to leave your comments.

1. What's something you've always wanted to know about radio stations?
2. What's something you've always wanted to know about radio personalities?
3. Do you listen to radio now? If yes, what sort of station is it?
4. What do you like most about radio?
5. What do you like least?
6. Add your own thoughts (really--anything you want to say is great...you never know where it might lead me, which is exactly what I'm looking for).

Thanks for playing! I may post some of my reflections here (some of the shorter ones, anyway). We'll see how brave I'm feeling. :)

Peace,
FC

Simultaneous Submissions and Cover Letters

I had good intentions. I was going to do this top 10 list of things I learned during my MFA residency.

But...

Well...

Here is something that I DO want to share since this is a blog about writing: simultaneous submissions and cover letters.

Simultaneous Submissions
During the residency, we met with editors from Agni, Ploughshares, Post Road, Redivider, and Quick Fiction. They agreed that most lit journal editors expect simultaneous submissions (please note that at this time, Quick Fiction does not accept simultaneous subs...but the editor understands that it's common--and accepted--practice elsewhere). This is good to know, considering the response times can be long.

So if you're planning to send out that short story or personal essay, send it to a bunch of places to increase your chances. If it gets accepted, then simply contact the other places and withdraw your submission (this, of course, requires keeping track of your submissions. Use a spreadsheet or the tracker available with a Writer's Market online subscription).

DO, however, double check the guidelines. If you're dealing with a well-respected lit journal like Glimmer Train, which does NOT accept simul. subs, then follow the guidelines (I've submitted to Glimmer Train a couple of times, and it does an EXCELLENT job of keeping in touch with writers and responding within the window stated on its website).

You've probably noticed in some submission guidelines that editors ask that you let them KNOW if you're submitting your piece elsewhere. A student asked our panel of editors how we writers should handle this since it seems weird to say, "So, here's my piece, but I'm also sending it to nine other journals." They had good advice--don't make a big deal about it...simply put at the bottom of your cover letter: "simultaneous submission."

Cover Letters
The editors had this to say: keep it simple and do NOT summarize your story or essay. Let the work speak for itself. They said your letter can be as simple as this:

Dear Ms. Editor's Name,

I'm enclosing my short story "This is a Pushcart Prize Winner."

Thank you for considering it.

Best wishes,
Fat Charlatan

Final Thoughts
Lit. journal editors are human...and many of them are writers just like you and me, so they understand what we're going through. They care about writing, and they take time with the submissions. Keep sending stuff out.

Happy submitting!

FC

Glossophobia 101

Well, it's that time again. I'm heading down to the 'Hill to teach Public Speaking. I really adore this gig. The undergrads are still wonderfully idealistic and happy (for the most part) and just discovering that they have voices.

I'm not a fan of theories, and I eschew teaching them (yeah, I'm sure the College would be thrilled to hear that). My goal is to get my students to think critically. To speak clearly and concisely. To back up claims with unbiased support. To understand and appreciate the power of words.

Today, I'll start by writing this word on the board: Glossophobia.

I will then ask, "Okay? How many of you suffer from this?"

Inevitably, they'll look around at one another until one brave soul raises his or her hand. I'll smile. "Yes," I'll say. "So, what is glossophobia?"

And this brave cherub will respond, "The fear of public speaking?"

"Why, yes!" I'll bellow. "Do you know how much we fear it? Studies show that people fear public speaking more than death. Than DEATH. Think about that. As Jerry Seinfeld once said this means that when you're at a funeral, more people would rather be the one in the casket than the one giving the eulogy." (This usually sparks a giggle.) "So, let's write our fears on the board. WHY do we fear it?"

And the students--one by one--will shout out their fears: Looking stupid. Sounding stupid. Tripping. Forgetting what to say. Blushing.

And we'll get them all down, and then I'll say, "Are any of these worse than death?" And the lightbulbs will begin to burn.

I'll tell them about me. How I was--and still often am--peeing-in-my-pants scared of speaking in public. How I had to get over that in ninth grade when we had something like 103 speeches to give (okay, that might be an exaggeration). How I survived this by making my speeches funny. How I did stand-up comedy once I discovered how much "fun" it can be up on stage. How working in radio has made me aware of how to speak, how to breathe. How I was just like them some 15 years ago when I literally was sitting in their seats (I'm a grad of the 'Hill).

Then I will gently tell them it's not my job to make the fear go away, mainly because that's impossible to do. It's showing them how to manage the fear, to keep the butterflies from turning into fruit bats with three-foot wingspans. I'll tell them this, and then I will tell them that they'll be doing an impromptu speech today. And then I'll ask, "How many palms started to sweat just now?"

They'll look around at each other and smile.

And hopefully realize that they're not alone.



Wish me luck!

Peace,
FC

Conflicted

You know how little kids dream of what they want to be when they grow up? Some dream of being doctors, nurses, lawyers, police officers, maybe even accountants. And if the kid really wants it and works at it, he or she can BECOME it. A friend from high school wanted to be a doctor. So she went to college. She went to medical school. She did her residency. And she’s a surgeon now. I’m not saying she didn’t work hard. She did—she worked her ass off. And she’s smart. VERY smart.

But let’s apply this to writing. You dream of being a writer. You work hard. You go to school and study your craft, work with your mentors, read voraciously. You write and write and write and write. Maybe you’re even pretty good. But…it’s not necessarily enough to BECOME a writer like it is to BECOME a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or an accountant.

The difference? That whole “making a living thing.” The person who works hard, goes to school, and becomes a lawyer or doctor or accountant can actually pay the bills doing what he or she loves. How many of us writers—or any artist, for that matter—can do that?

Yeah, there’ll always be someone who “makes it.” But for every person like that there’s ten of us waiting tables or working in banks (William Carlos Williams) or selling insurance (Ted Koozer) or teaching high school English. There’s me whoring words for a buck as a copywriter, resentful every time a client wants a piece of me because it takes me away from the creative stuff yet, at the same time, thankful that I have some money coming in to make the car payment and feed the cat (this from the person who wants to buy a condo this summer).

I wish I wanted to be a copywriter. I have no doubt that I could work hard, go to school, and BECOME a copywriter, probably a good one.

But no. I have to want the unattainable. I have to want The DREAM.

What do you do when the dream doesn’t want you?

Sycamore Review's Blog

Stumbled on this blog today. Interesting writing tidbits and gossip.

Hey, anything to procrastinate.

Channeling Katherine Mansfield

I'm off to my residency at Lesley University tonight for the start of my second semester in my low-residency MFA in Creative Writing program. I'm still doing some of the reading and trying to get work finished for clients, but I'm READY.

One of the pieces I had to read was The Daughters of the Late Colonel by Katherine Mansfield. I decided to google Ms. Mansfield. She has an official site devoted to her. There's a Mansfield House in New Zealand, her birthplace, just as there is a Hemingway House & Museum in Key West.

As I was noodling around her site, I found this:

"In the journal entry for New Years day, 1915, KM resolved 'this year I have two wishes, to write and to make money.'"

Amen, sister. Amen.

Writing styles have changed. But our basic needs haven't. For those who know me, I often walk around saying "All I want to do is write my little stories and be able to pay the bills. I don't need to be rich."

KM struggled. I struggle. But oh what a sweet, sweet struggle it is!

See you all in a week. If I have time, I'll post and let you know what I'm learning.

Peace,
FC

Poetry Thursday: Get The Map Out! Take to the Streets!

This poem includes a specific road linked to a specific memory. But the poem isn’t about the road, if that makes any sense.

I’ve been out of the Poetry Thursday loop—it’s nice to flex those muscles again. I’ll admit—they’re a little soft, a little sore. I welcome your feedback.


Change of Channel

I heard your voice the other day
on the radio—
a car commercial,
I think.

I didn’t recognize it
at first.
I said, I know that voice! Who is it?
And suddenly—just like that—
I remembered.

I remembered the lazy
Sunday afternoons
we tangled
in bed
making love,
sipping merlot,
eating Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food
from the carton,
and then getting
dressed in a hurry
and nuzzling each other
as we strolled down
Twitchnot Farm Way
to our own private section
of Nauset Beach
where we kept
our red canoe.

I remembered helping you
rehearse your lines for
“How the Other Half Loves,”
how I sent you flowers
every opening night
of every play
you ever did
while we were together.
All, but the last one—
“Shadowlands.”

The flowers I sent you
for that one
got lost
on the way,
along with
your affection
for me.

“It’s a sign,” I cried
as I followed you
in my car after your show,
Linda Ronstadt’s voice
channeling my heartache
through the local FM.

Eight years later, here I am.
A different station,
A different time,
Your voice sounding
familiar, yet…not.

I still wonder
what happened
to those flowers.

Should Novels Have Bibliographies?

Apparently, there's a new trend: novels with bibliographies. Read this interesting article from today's New York Times.

So, what do you think? Should authors provide a list of sources at the end of their works of fiction? Leave your opinion in the comments.

Peace,
FC

Thankful

As we sat around the Thanksgiving feast today, I imagine most of us rattled off lists--silently or to each other--of the things we're thankful for. I know many of us are thankful to live in this great country, and many more of us pray and hope for peace in the world. But wouldn't it be great if you could do more than just pray and hope for peace?

Well, now you can.

Boys and girls, mark your calendars. December 22 is Global Orgasm for Peace Day.

I kid you not.

Enjoy. And, oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.

Peace,
FC

FC on Hiatus for a Couple of Weeks...

Due to mucho work, the ol' blog will be dark for a couple of weeks. I'm not expecting to have much time to surf on your blogs either, but I will try to check in from time to time. Please know that I'm thinking of y'all and sending good vibes.

I'll be back mid-November.

Until then, happy writing everyone! :)

Peace,
FC

The Friday Write Site

In honor of the movie Running with Scissors, which opens today and is based on Augusten Burroughs's memoir of the same name, I award The Friday Write Site to Mr. Burroughs. It's a fun website.

I recently read Running with Scissors and enjoyed every bizarre minute of it (despite the endless sentence fragments). I'm one of the few people I know who walked away from it going, "Yeah, I actually buy all that." I have no idea if that's a good thing or not.

Enjoy.

FC

Is Writing Dangerous?

Here's a great interview with the winner of the Man Booker prize.

Enjoy!

FC

Punctuation "Answers"

"FUN" PUNCTUATION EXERCISES--Answers (Read here to get the background on this post)


Please correctly punctuate the following letter:

Dear Joe

I want a man who knows what love is all about you are generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other men I yearn for you I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart I can be forever happy will you please let me be yours Marilyn

Punctuate the following sentence (you cannot add or delete words, but you may turn it into two sentences as long as you don't change the order of the words):

Woman without her man is nothing

Possible Punctuation Revisions: Remember--punctuation can change meaning.

Version #1
Dear Joe,
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy — will you please let me be yours?
Marilyn

Version #2

Dear Joe,
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn. For you I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you please let me be?

Yours,
Marilyn

Did you follow gender lines?
Typically, the men write: Woman, without her man, is nothing.

Typically, the women write: Woman! Without her, man is nothing.

Because Punctuation Changes Meaning, That's Why!

So, I've been reviewing commas with my students--it's the punctuation mark that gives them the most trouble. For many, they follow the rule some well-meaning but misinformed third-grade teacher gave them: use a comma when you take a breath or pause. Let's just say I'd be hyperventilating when reading some of their sentences if I followed that rule.

I spent most of last Wednesday talking punctuation in class. Yesterday, I brought in one of my favorite exercises to demonstrate that punctuation really is important since it can change meaning.

Wanna try my punctutaion exercise? This is not original!! In fact, I took it from one of those mass e-mails sent around years ago, so some of you may have seen it before. But it's still fun. Copy the text, post it in the comments, and punctuate it correctly. I'll post the "correct" answers in a day or so.

"FUN" PUNCTUATION EXERCISES

Please correctly punctuate the following letter. You can't add or delete words.

Dear Joe

I want a man who knows what love is all about you are generous kind thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior you have ruined me for other men I yearn for you I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart I can be forever happy will you please let me be yours Marilyn

Punctuate the following sentence (you cannot add or delete words, but you may turn it into two sentences as long as you don't change the order of the words):

Woman without her man is nothing

Enjoy!

FC

Good Read on the Nobel Prize for Literature

Here's a good read from the LA Times on the Nobel Prize for Literature, which will be announced soon. The question at the heart of the article is this--is it political?

Here's my favorite line: "Swedish literary critic Mats Gellerfelt, quoted in a long New Yorker article on the prize in 1999, agreed: 'The ideal candidate for the Nobel Prize today,' he said, 'would be a lesbian from Asia.'"

Enjoy!
FC